Kids don't love me. I'm not really sure why. I know I have little patience and I will argue with just about anything, but before a kid even knows that about me they have already predetermined they don't like me. I have had a few kids take to me, but the majority are just real terrors.
What concerns me is that I have gotten into several verbal altercations with children. Some of which even turned physical. Don't judge me, this little brat ran up and kicked me in the shin, you would have pushed him down, too. Anyway, I think the problem is that I try to reason with children. Much like trying to reason with a drunk person, you don't get very far because they don't understand nor do they want to.
I used to get into physical fights with my best friend's little sister (who is 7 years younger than us) and then lie and tell her mom we were having a dance battle which was causing all the thumping. Blood was definitely drawn more than once. In my defense, she used to be a real asshole. She was the little kid that said whatever she wanted with no filter (like most kids), to the point I was hesitant to go over there to play in fear of being humiliated. Probably why I tricked her into chugging hot sauce when she was around 8. I also tried to teach the neighborhood kids how to correctly play soccer, then they all ganged up on me by mocking how I did throw-ins. I ended up kicking their soccer ball into the woods and then storming home.
OK, the shin thing. I was showing an apartment to a family of what seemed like 28, one of the members being around 3 years old. He definitely had ADHD. He was running around like a crazy person, being completely ignored by his parents, and at first I thought he was cute. I smiled, even pretended to chase him a little bit. Then he went full on beast mode, and started running circles around me and then would push me and run away. The next time he did it, I bucked at him when his parents weren't looking because I was getting angry. I guess he figured I really tested him with that so he sprinted up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the shin. So I pushed the crap out of him. He fell down, and then gave me this look of terror with eyes that said "why would you do that to me? I'm just a little boy" and then his eyes welled up with tears. I knew what was coming, so I glared at him and told him he better not. Too late. He burst into tears and hysterically ran to find his mom in one of the bedrooms. I was able to beat him to her and conclude the tour- shifting the focus. That kid never came near me again.
One time my 3 year old niece said she didn't want to play with me, to the extent she put herself in time-out so she didn't have to! When she finally came around, she was playing some game alone, flailing around when her shirt-sleeve somehow got pushed up. She spun around so fast and said to me, "Don't push my sleeve up like that!" Well, I was shocked, for one. I didn't touch her sleeve! So I told her, "um, I didn't push your sleeve up... but I could have if I wanted to." Then she went and told my sister on me. Who does that?
I was playing with my friend's son several years ago. We were actually getting along, I think we were play wrestling (looking back now I see maybe that wasn't the best idea). Anyway, I ended up dislocating something in his arm or shoulder and I think they had to seek medical attention.... He's fine now.
Kids are always telling me not to do something. I don't take well to that. Don't tell me what to do, little kid! This is usually what prompts an argument. Kids don't understand I can do what I want. Including telling them what to do. I'm also way too competitive with children but if you've read my blog post, "Winning" then you get it.
So, who needs a babysitter?
