I went on a cruise to Mexico over the summer and one night, while eating ice cream (damn those 24 hour buffets) on the deck, my friend Brandi and I had quite an interesting conversation. While looking into the darkness of the open sea I began explaining how cool I thought it would be to have pirates take over the ship because then we would probably be at sea longer than anticipated, thus, missing work. I had no idea pirates were criminals! I'm shocked and appalled, quite frankly! After learning what it is exactly that pirates do and that they definitely still exist, I quickly changed my mind about there being any sort of pirate encounter.
The subject then went to the zombie apocalypse that I am more than ready for. Laugh now, but I am extremely confident in my survival skills for zombies. If you aren't with me, well then you're dead- and I'm not going back for you either, survival of the fittest, ya dig? Anyway, no one takes my zombie apocalypse theories serious so then it turned into serial killers somehow. We were talking about the mistakes people make when in horror films (IE: running upstairs inside of out of the front door). Brandi made it very clear that she would never fall victim to a serial killer. She said everyone should always have a gun. Period. The valid point I brought up was, if you are at home, why would you have your gun on you? She then said if you are at home, you have access to a butcher knife and pretty much, you have no excuse. She explained how she would react in the company of a serial killer.
Her words exactly:
Brandi (serial killer now present): "Oh you serial killin?" "You ain't killin me!"
Then she tells me that the only way she will be murdered is if she is bamboozled.
"That serial killer better sneak up behind me and shoot me in the back of the head if he wanna kill me"
"And that's a bitch move. He's gonna shoot me in the back of the head and before I die I'm gonna turn around and say, 'You a bitch ass serial killer!' "
I realize that these are conversations that should most likely take place around a bong or with other controlled substances involved, but for us, ice cream works just as well and it's every day talk for the two of us.
In case you're wondering, she's completely serious. Maybe I should call her.... to make sure she hasn't had any encounters with serial killers.
