Megan In The Kitchen

This is going to come as a shock, but, I am flawed. I can not cook. The best thing I can make without screwing up is reservations. Don't get me wrong, I have attempted many times but each time fails miserably. I've been failing at cooking for years. In fact, when I was in high school, I was grocery shopping for some odd reason and because I had been gone so long my mom called to make sure I was OK. Here is the infamous conversation that my friends will never let me live down.

My mom: "Megan, honey, you've been gone for a really long time, are you OK?"

Megan, "No, mom, I'm not OK. I'm actually really frustrated, this grocery store sucks, I've been here for 45 minutes and can't find toast.'

Mom: "Toast? What do you mean? Texas toast?"

Megan (while rolling eyes): "What? No, mom. Toast, just regular toast that you give me for breakfast sometimes."

Mom: "Oh, honey. You're pretty...."

OK, so I didn't know you actually made toast, anyone could have made that mistake! I also thought for a really long time that a grilled cheese sandwich had to be made on the grill. To be fair, the name is a little misleading. It is also harder to succeed when you have attempted to cook with someone more clueless than you are. In middle school, my BFF (the same person that just recently tried to bake cookies at 550 degrees in her oven) and I had to make enchiladas for a Cinco De Mayo party for Spanish class. They turned out awesome! Except for the fact we somehow forgot to put the meat in them and my mom had to get up super early that morning and re-do them for us so we could take them to school. Or the time I made a Pineapple Upside Down Cake and forgot the pineapple. Or the time I thought I could be really creative and make an awesome dessert so I tried to melt a whole bunch of Starbursts on the stove and had to throw the whole pot away.

These are just a few examples of why I don't cook. What I can do, however, is make Cake Pops! I had one at Starbucks when they first came out and it inspired me to try to make them and I succeeded! I pretty much make them for every occasion because it's all I have. Except for now
they have come out with the cake pop machine things which pisses me off because now everyone can make them effortlessly and I'm back to not having anything.






I don't find it fair that my entire family can cook really well and I do things like try to make homemade banana pudding with meringue and can't find meringue in any aisle because once again, you have to make meringue, it's not an ingredient (they should really start noting this stuff on the recipe). Or have to learn the hard way that you don't buy banana cream pie filling to act as the pudding. I'm eager to learn but it's discouraging when I ask people serious questions like, "How do you make hard boiled eggs?" and I get laughed at or people just walk out of the room. On the bright side, I know I don't have any issues with my smoke detector and I do have the cutest apron I sometimes wear around the house for looks.




P.S.
I really appreciate everyone's suggestions for cooking lessons but I already get really frazzled and embarrass myself when I'm attempting to cook at home alone, I'd rather not be publically humilated. Or have to seek medical attention for another kitchen disaster in front of strangers (mental note, when you're using a peeler, your hand position and the direction you're peeling is vital). And for the record, I didn't appreciate whoever tried to order pizza at my last party. I didn't even make that food, it was catered. You didn't even give it a chance!